|
Post by Toby Benoit on Nov 26, 2009 13:51:33 GMT 12.75
;D ;D ;D You better believe that, Brother! Both of them! Never waste your ammo and leave old folks alone! Them old folks is too tired to fight; they'll just shoot you!
|
|
|
Post by Mars on Dec 15, 2009 7:35:35 GMT 12.75
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school... Q. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A. What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A. The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A. Always wear a condom.
Q. When driving through fog, what should you use? A. Your car. Q. How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A. Be too shit faced to find your keys. Q. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A. I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A. I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A. Make eye contact and wave "hello" if they're cute.
Q. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A. The color.
Q. How do you deal with heavy traffic? A. Heavy psychedelics. Q. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A. Carry loaded military grade weapons.
|
|
|
Post by Bro. Freddie on Feb 4, 2010 11:02:06 GMT 12.75
How to wash a toilet
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid...
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
|
|
|
Post by Bro. Freddie on Feb 4, 2010 11:03:13 GMT 12.75
Sitting together on a train are Obama, George Bush Jr.,
a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later
there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a
bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks: Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.
The blonde girl thinks: Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him.
Obama thinks: Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
George Bush thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again.
|
|
|
Post by Paws on Feb 5, 2010 22:30:11 GMT 12.75
Pretty cute!
|
|
|
Post by brittonfaith on Apr 18, 2010 15:47:40 GMT 12.75
Square Testicles This is a joke that is supposed to bring you luck. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$500,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that There was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. So that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them.. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada!'
|
|
|
Post by brittonfaith on Jul 21, 2010 4:29:58 GMT 12.75
OK. So I was at the pharmacy the other day waiting for my prescription to be filled when this old dude walks in. He was so old and feeble that I almost went over to help him to a chair. But I didn't. I watched as he staggered up and down each isle until he found the vitamin section. There he stopped in front of a bottle of 'joint suppliment'. He must have stood there for 20 minutes until the cashier came over and asked if she could be of assistance. He kept staring at the bottle and said, "Yeah ma'am...I was just wondering....At $10 a bottle does that stuff really make it smoke any better?"
|
|
|
Post by Paws on Jul 21, 2010 10:22:20 GMT 12.75
And you never even spoke; just like you didn't recognize me.
|
|
|
Post by brittonfaith on Jul 21, 2010 14:10:09 GMT 12.75
Was that YOU??? I couldn't tell for the binder twine holding up the britches and the beard down to your knees. That ponytail is a nice look on you though.
|
|