|
Post by Toby Benoit on Mar 14, 2006 12:11:08 GMT 12.75
Everbody knows that the mark of a great outdoorsman is his ability to "stretch" the truth a bit.
I used to sit around the campfire as a kid and listen to the old guys spinning their tales and some of them were classics!
How about you guys? What's the best bullshit story you ever heard?
I love the story about Ol' Dan that got caught dragging a doe under a fence and looked up to see the game warden standing there grinning. Ol' Dan grins right back and says hey there, wanna give me a hand with this doe?
The warden said sure and walked over and as Ol' Dan held up the fence wire, the warden drug the doe underneath of it, than asked, "You shoot that doe mister?"
"You bet!," Ol' Dan told him still grinning, "They was four more, but I only got this one and a littler one. If you'll keep an eye on this one, I'll go drag up the other one and if you help me get them up to the truck I'd appreciate it."
The warden played along and said, "Sure, I'll be right here."
Ol' Dan headed back down the way he'd just came up and five minutes later, the warden heard the truck fire up and ain't seen Ol' Dan since! ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by Rich on Mar 14, 2006 22:41:36 GMT 12.75
My dad used to tell this story about him and a friend of his.
They were rabbit hunting and when they got a limit they headed back to the car. When they got there the warden was standing by the car. Dad took off running immediately and the warden yelled at him to stop but he just kept running.
So, the warden took off after him and dad led him on a merry chase for quite awhile. Finally, he couldn't hardly breath anymore so he stopped.
When the game warden caught up to him he said, "Let me see your license." So dad showed him his license and it was up to date. Then the warden said, "Let me see how many rabbits you got." So dad showed him the rabbits and he had a limit.
The warden said, "Son, you are as legal as can be, why did you run away?"
Dad said, "My buddy didn't have a license."
Don't know if that is true or not but I heard it so many times I'm sure it could be.
Rich
|
|
|
Post by Rich on Mar 14, 2006 22:56:34 GMT 12.75
When I lived in Alaska I was known as the "Coyote Kid" because of something that happened to me up there.
I had spent a day in the woods behind our cabin building a tree blind for moose and bear hunting. The next morning I got up early and hot footed out to the blind.
I took my 300 win mag, my ruger 22 pistol and a thermos of coffee with me.
I climbed up into the tree and got settled in pretty good and poured myself a fresh cup of coffee. I was sipping the coffee just as the sun was coming up when I noticed some movement out in front of me.
The sun was pretty blinding and it was kind of hard to make out exactly what it was but finally I could see it was a coyote and he was slinking along and headed in my direction.
I considered shooting him with the 300 but thought it might make too big a hole in him so instead I pulled out the 22 pistol.
I leaned way over to get a shot but when I did the limb I was sitting on broke and I began to fall out of the tree.
The noise alerted the coyote and he started running right into the sun. He was probably doing around 40 mph and picking up speed.
I aimed at his left ear and squeezed off a shot and down he went. Didn't get him in the ear but in the back of the head. I probably would have hit him in the ear if the sun hadn't been in my eyes and he wasn't moving so fast.
The best part was that when I landed very hard on the ground I held my coffee cup at such an angle that I didn't spill a drop.
I picked him up and strapped him to my pack board and went back to the cabin. All the other guys were there already and when I told them the story they came up with my new name - "The Coyote Kid"
Rich
|
|
|
Post by brittonfaith on Mar 15, 2006 5:09:31 GMT 12.75
When I was a kid, my family had a buddy we called "Pumpkin Man" because he always wore blaze, rubberized coveralls that were about 8 sizes too small. They were so tight, we often wondered if he wore anything under them. This guy was every ounce of 650#. So that over-stretched rubber looked just like a big pumpkin ready to burst.
Anyways, one day Pumpkin Man and I were out deer hunting. It was one of those cold drizzly days that make hunting miserable. Pumpkin Man was braced up against a sweet gum tree when nature called. I was down over the bank when he let out the most frightening war whoop my young ears had ever heard. I ran up the bank to see what was going wrong.
There was Pumpkin Man, coveralls about half unbuttoned, jumping, wiggling, and squirming against that tree like a bear with a bad case of the mad itch! Problem was, the rain had been dripping down the inside of his collar all day and now that rubber suit was stuck fast to him. He couldn't budge it! And to make matters worse, a few of those thorny sweet gum balls had fallen and were now trapped in the suit near his nether region!
I grabbed ahold of a sleeve, and pulled. He pulled back the other way. But that suit kept stretching and tugging at his body hair. As the rubber tightened down, it pushed those bum galls even tighter against him. As we kept tugging and pulling at the rubber, the rain picked up to a steady down pour. His rubber suit was filling up with water and made it even more difficult to get off and made nature call even more urgently. We finally just gave up.
Pumpkin Man's arms were stuck behind him. He had me reach in a breast pocket for his knife and told me to sliced the back of that suit from the top down. I was scared I'd cut him. But even more scared at seeing a guy naked! Especially a nearly 700# one. That's not the kind of thing a 15 year old girl wants to see! After repeatedly pleading with me that my choices were slicing the suit, or shooting him to put him out of misery, I decided cutting the suit was the only "respectable" thing to do. I got him "skint" and he trekked the 3 miles back to the house butt-naked.
I stayed at the tree until dad made it there from his post. He found me crouched down at the base of the tree, crying because I was cold and hungry, and using the remnants of Pumpkins suit to shed the rain. "Where's Pumpkin? What'd he do to you?", he growled. I looked up at dad not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Suddenly I burst out in laughter and exclaimed, "We were right! He didn't wear anything under those coveralls!"
|
|
|
Post by Brikatw on Mar 15, 2006 9:00:59 GMT 12.75
I was standing around one saturday afternoon, yaking with a game warden during a normal deer hunt in Northern California. As we were yaking, they were releaseing an elk of some sort into the area, hopeing that they might do well. After all the area used to hold a bunch of them. Well, sure enough, they let this big ol' elk loose and he runs down the side of the mountain. 30 seconds later, we hear the sound of a rifle shots, 5 of them real fast. About 5 minutes later this ol' boy comes up the hill out of the bushes with a grin the size of the Grand Canyon. He is PROUD!!! He asks the warden if he wouldn't mind hanging around while he drug out this buig deer he just killed and if it would be ok if he used his 4 wheeler to drag it because it was so huge. The warden looked at me then told the guy "sure, go right ahead and I'll be right here when you get back." About 45 minutes later here comes the guy dragging the elk out of the bushes with his 4 wheeler, PROUD as can be. A 4 POINTER!!!(2x2) because they had sawed the horns off the elk before they released it. As the warden took pictures and got ready to do his thing I just had to leave. I could not bear to watch the next chain of events. In a way I could feel for the ol boy and then again, To confuse an elk for a Blacktail deer??? and one with square horns too!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by OLKoot on Mar 15, 2006 10:03:18 GMT 12.75
I was headng down the taconic State Parkway in NY , heading for NY City,with a deer mounted on the car when I had to stop at a check point to have my deer inspected......and while there it was a funny scene as this guy , must have been speaking English with a heavey French accent trying to explain to the warden why the goat he shot and had on his car was really a deer..... The best one was a friend of ours had broken his hip playing football, and all the guys were going hunting..He was upsett that he couldnt go...He talked us into taking him, so we set him up under a tree and dug a simple latrine for him, so he could slide over it even with a cast up his leg.....well after sitting awhile, he slid over the hole and while he was sitting there a deer came up next to him to check him out....He was the only one to get a deer that day........
|
|
|
Post by Toby on Mar 15, 2006 11:04:58 GMT 12.75
I remember one time I came out of the woods during turkey season and there was a bunch of guys at the check station laughing their asses off. I asked what was going on and it seems, some clown from out of state had killed a turkey buzzard and tried to check it in as a turkey! What they were really laughing about, was that rather than give the guy a ticket, he gave him cooking tips and sent him on his way!!! Can you imagine the smell coming out of that kitchen?
|
|
|
Post by Bro. Freddie on Mar 15, 2006 12:29:50 GMT 12.75
I remember one time I came out of the woods during turkey season and there was a bunch of guys at the check station laughing their asses off. I asked what was going on and it seems, some clown from out of state had killed a turkey buzzard and tried to check it in as a turkey! What they were really laughing about, was that rather than give the guy a ticket, he gave him cooking tips and sent him on his way!!! Can you imagine the smell coming out of that kitchen? Was that you Paws? ?LOL
|
|
|
Post by Paws on Mar 15, 2006 15:20:34 GMT 12.75
LOL!! Naw, never shot a buzzard. At least by accident! Must confess though that my first squirrel was a chipmunk! Well close isn't it? I mean ground squirrel.
|
|
|
Post by Two Tales on Mar 15, 2006 23:53:32 GMT 12.75
I have to admit to telling one to a fellow club member last spring...Our club "steward" is into fishing big time and belongs to several clubs that are set up for that purpose..and he often brings us fish, trout mostly...well to make this quick (at least quicker than the long version) we were doing a hunter safety class and he was cooking that day and as if on que brought some nice trout...one in particular was an 18" Brookie that he gave to me..gilled and gutted...the fellow me and the other instructor..got was doing some work around the club that day and came in for lunch...we got to talking about flyfishing and he mentioned that we needed a trut pond on the property..We told him ther was no need for a pond when we had the best trout honey hole this side of the snake river...then we showed him the trout and told him we took them from the li'l brook thst runs trought the property...it runs all year..due to being spring feed...his eyes got about the size of dinner plates and wanted to know just were we got them so I drew him a map...he vistited that spot many many times over the summer with his flyrod...never caght a single fish ;D ;D ;D we haven't told him the truth yet waiting to see if he shows up this year on opening day to fish our Honey Hole ;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by Rich on Mar 16, 2006 2:45:46 GMT 12.75
These are definitely good stories but TT you are just plain ornery ;D ;D ;D ;D
Be careful though. One of these days the guy is going to figure out what was done to him. He is going to go somewhere else, catch a monster and then bring it over to show to you. And, he'll tell you he caught it in "your" honey hole. At least that's what I'd do.
Rich
|
|
|
Post by Two Tales on Mar 16, 2006 23:57:03 GMT 12.75
Ornrey? ? ? ? who? ? ? me......na...well maybe a li'l bit ;D not the best one I've pulled but it does have rank ;D..got my younger brother in a similar fashion...he lives down in St Cloud, FL..I had been down fishing with him...which I did often as I was stationed in S. GA (King'S Bay) but without the help of his father in law I could not have pulled it off..his FIL is a natoriuos fisherman..I mean this guy lives it...well he was telling me one day that he had caught one of them 10+ pound FL Bass and put it in a holding pond that was loaded with bream...and when he was finished with his pond and got it stabalized he was going to use her as brood stock...I ask him as to the particulars about this pond and he told me..that's when I got to putting my plan into action..Snuff had been to this pond with his boys to let them catch blue gills and red ears for a couple of years and they never even had a bass bite...so I talk him into going with the kids...we messsd around with them li'l bream for a while...I told him I was boared with this kind of fishing and was going to go for bass..of course he knows there aint no bass in this water and he lets me know it..I say if it's wet and in FL it's got bass...so I get out my fly rod and tie on a big ol' hair bug popper and lay it out on the water..give it a few twitches over a spring and all hell breaks lose...that bass explodes out of there like a tarpon....engulfing that hand tied deer hair bug like it was gona be it's last meal ..fought it for a bit and got it in close enough to lip and held it up to show him....he was going nuts...I was afraid he was gona have a heart attack...I then slowly and delibertly bent over and released it back into the pond...he about knocked me in...it was getting dark and his wife had plans so we had to leave...he spent the next 2 or 3 days telling his FIL all about the bass that I caught..but couldn't figure out what was so funny..cause Bill (that's his FIL's name) would alm ost be rolling on the floor by the time he was done talking..Bill finely told him the truth..boy was he PO'ed..didn't get invited back for a couple of months ;D
|
|
|
Post by Rich on Mar 17, 2006 2:02:09 GMT 12.75
Yep, definitely ornery - but, that's a good thing so don't take it wrong. Guys and gals that can come up with stuff like that are always fun to be around. Unless, of course you are the recepient of the joke.
It's kind of like the outhouse at CCC. It is leaning backwards a little and one of these days it is going to tip right over. I'll laugh my butt off at whoever is in it when it happens unless it's me ;D ;D ;D ;D
Rich
|
|
|
Post by Kirbyhill on Mar 17, 2006 4:37:30 GMT 12.75
|
|
|
Post by Rich on Mar 17, 2006 6:09:21 GMT 12.75
Bill,
You know of course that I'm going to do the same thing if it happens to you. My only concern is "Will I be able to pull out of the darned thing?" ;D ;D ;D
Rich
|
|
|
Post by Two Tales on Mar 17, 2006 23:51:01 GMT 12.75
If ya think I'm bad by myself you should be around when me and my 5 brothers hit town at the same time ;D ;D ;D heck 2 of us could put a panic on NYC if we took a notion to head up there....make matters worse we got some right ornery uncles also...from both sides of the family...got a bunch of did that to someone stories..scary thing about them is that they are true ;D ;D ;D ;D I ever tell ya'll about the Halloween Night we moved ol' man Johnston's outhouse? ? ?
|
|
|
Post by Toby Benoit on Mar 18, 2006 4:41:00 GMT 12.75
Moved the outhouse? That's a shitty thing to do to a guy! As far as a prank goes, my Dad pulled a whopper one time! The local BASS club was holding a tournament one weekend in early May and Dad had a few beers in him and a big box of M-80 firecrackers. So Thursday before the tournament, he went up the river and would light them firecrackers and throw them toward the bank. When it exploded, they left a bowl shaped depression in the bottom of the riverbed that looked just like a bass bed. I was delighted just to watch the geysers and hear the pops, not really understanding the joke. Saturday morning rolled around and you should have seen all them bass boats lined up along those bass beds and all them guys pitchin' worms out into them catching nothing! If they'd have known what he was laughing so hard about as we motored past them, they'd have hung him from the nearest oak limb I'm sure! I remember hearing an old lie about the coonhunter that had the smartest dog in the world. Well, there was a guy stopped down at the local coon club one day that had heard all about the world's smartest coon dog and wanted to see him hunt. So, they loaded up the dog and headed to the woods and before Ol' Ned, the dog'd owner, let him go, he showed him an extra large hide stretcher and the dog took off. This fella sked ol' Ned, what he showed him that hide stretcher for and Ned told him that if he had any extra stretchers left open, he'd sho the dog what size stretchers he had and the dog would go find a coon to fit on it. Sure enough, the dog treed and when they got to him, there was a monster coon in the tree. On the next turnout, Ned showed him a small stretcher and when the dog treed, there was a small coon in it. The stranger was impressed and asked if he could come out the next weekend to see that dog work again and Ned said okay, but when the following Saturday came around the stranger drove up to find Ned upset and miserable. He greeted him and asked what was the matter. Ned told him that he'd lost that smart dog and when asked how it happened he explained that he was loading that dog up in the truck to go hunting when his wife came out of the house carrying her ironing board. The dog took one look at that and headed for the woods and Ned aint see him since!
|
|
|
Post by Bro. Freddie on Mar 18, 2006 11:58:22 GMT 12.75
When I read about the outhouse being moved it reminded me of a story my dad told me about how one Halloween they took apart a fellars wagon, and put it back together. Only one catch, they put it back together on top of his barn! This wasn't a flat roof barn either. I can just see that wagon, balanced on top of the barn and the old man scratching his head trying to figure out how it got there ;D
|
|
|
Post by Paws on Mar 18, 2006 13:38:44 GMT 12.75
My dear Grandpa Slater and a buddy in their youth were prone to use a quarter stick of dynamite on outhouses on All Hallows Eve. Well Grandpa caught his buddy headed for the outhouse one evening and he had prepared a paper tube complete with a dynamite fuse. He tossed the phony explosive into the outhouse and propped the clothes line pole against the door and spun the latch closed.
|
|
|
Post by gsoflittledove on Mar 18, 2006 17:23:04 GMT 12.75
Back when Rem. came out with their Bronzpoint Bullets, My Unk bought him a box, sure enouff he shot a 7 point on opening day. After shooting him, he went and cut the deers neck to let it bleed out. Only after cutting, the deer jumped up and run off. We trailed the deer over 1/2 mile before finding it. Now here's the kicker "NO BULLETT HOLE" Next day we found the bullett. it had hit the deers ear and exploded and then hit the deer below skull in back of head, did not pinerate, just KO the deer.
|
|