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Post by Lt Colonel Bruce Reynolds on Feb 6, 2008 2:44:45 GMT 12.75
Now Phil let me ask YOU this ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, are the hemorrhoids gone? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Two Tales on Feb 6, 2008 3:21:07 GMT 12.75
Major, there be in tiny writting on the side of that there bottle that says "not for hemiroidial removal"
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Post by Mars on Feb 6, 2008 4:47:18 GMT 12.75
Well, we will have to send them Paws story and have them admend their bottle. ;D Good thing no porn was available or his problem could have been worse. ;D
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Post by OLKoot on Feb 6, 2008 11:08:10 GMT 12.75
Time to install the bidet Along with some Irish Spring!!! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by whitetailhunter01 on Feb 20, 2008 8:46:20 GMT 12.75
LMAO ROTF I only got to pg. 3 can't take any more.There was this one. there was like 4 or 5 us .we were doing tricks on our pedal bikes small jumps and all. well there was cons. in our t. park. and hole with the dirt pile on one side it took some time but we convinced 1 well we as the other 4 that we could build a ramp so he could jump from the low side. now he had say on how big to make this ramp we said we should add more height to the front and he was afraid of losing speed going up. ok so hes off and going and we knew as soon as he got in the air as did he at that time is when he did what save him a little. he let go of the handle bars the wheel turned to one and yes he hit the dirt.we think that the wheel softened the impact he did however have an ear full LOL
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Post by Paws on Feb 20, 2008 23:55:54 GMT 12.75
Yep those bicycles can be killers!
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Post by elkchsr on Oct 3, 2008 1:49:18 GMT 12.75
I'm bumping this thread to the top so I can find it again when I come back from my hunting trip...
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Post by Paws on Oct 4, 2008 3:31:02 GMT 12.75
I'm bumping this thread to the top so I can find it again when I come back from my hunting trip... When you get ready to read it make sure your mouth is empty and you have taken a deep whizz first!
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Post by gsoflittledove on Mar 7, 2009 4:14:03 GMT 12.75
I let my Mom talk me into setting between my two nefews at supper one night. You see we sat on the beanch back aganste the wall and I was pined in, and no way out. Now the problen were one was a south paw and the other werent and I had the south paw on my right and the other on the other. Now these boys knows how to eat, head over plate elbow extended stright out level with mouth, now i were doging them elbows right plenty. but these boys were in a compition to finish first so they could clame the last fried checken leg. But they both finished at the same time (while spoon in mouth both reached for that leg.) The resultes were I got two black eyes Never again did Mom get me back ther again
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Post by Toby Benoit on Mar 7, 2009 9:32:04 GMT 12.75
Here's a recent one for ya! Mom and Dad spent all night at the ER with my much younger brother Fred last night. He was toying around with an old Cane knife, like a souped-up machete, that we used to use when it was time to cut the sugar cane we had in the field when I was a kid. It's a rusted up oldt hing now and Fred found it out in Dad's shed. Well, Dad told Fred that he had to be careful with that thing and to leave it alone because it will cut you real fast. He then took it and put it away and he and Fred went in the house. Apparently Dad tod Fred about how he used to be able to throw that big cane knife like a knife and he'd stick it in the side of a tree. So, late last night, Fred come hopping in the house and hollered out, "I done it now; I cut my leg off!" No, he didn't cut it off, but after sneaking back out to the shed, he tried throwing that big knife like he'd heard Dad describe, except it bounced off the damn tree and sliced his right leg badly. Took sixteen staples to close it up....
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Post by brittonfaith on Aug 28, 2010 7:48:22 GMT 12.75
Did this one just this morning......... Got up late and was in a hurry to get things done around here since I have a cattle buyer coming Sunday (not my idea to do business on Sunday) and wanted to at least appear not to be a banshee heathen. Realized that I'd for got to put the wash in the dryer last night, so I put on wet clothes, grabbed my iced tea and a paring knife to cut the twines off a bale of hay. (These ol' knees and shoulders won't let me jerk them off anymore.) Out the door I go, barefoot in wet dewey knee-high grass. I get a bale of hay, throw it over the electric fence to the cows, and walk through the gap so I can carry it over to the feeding spot. Cut the twines off and decide chore #1 is done. Time for chore #2 - filling their water tubs. I turn on the water and my cell phone and paring knife slide out of my pocket. I have the phone in one hand, the hose in the other, and the knife blade in my mouth as I walk across the lot. Fill up the tubs and go back to turn off the water. But not before the bull decides to goose me!! I jump and water covers me. But it didn't really matter because the clothes were already soaking wet. I chase him off, turn off the water, and start back toward the pass through gap in the electric fence. Started thinking about something and just stood there for a while. Looked down at the electric fence and see on odd looking bug. Got to watching crawl along the wire. And then......I decided to squish it. Now up to this point the story might seem pretty blah. But you have to understand, I squished that little bug with my hand. I mean I grabbed onto that electric fence just as the bug was wanting to fly away!! If that wasn't bad enough, I was standing barefoot in wet grass. With wet clothes on. The rest of me wet from the bulls antics. AND with a steel knife blade in my mouth!!!! I wanted to let out a yelp. At the same time I didn't want to drop the knife and possibly have it go through my bare foot. So I clenched my lips even tighter on the blade. Which of course only meant more contact surface for the current to flow. I tell you what, I'm sooo glad I hadn't drank that iced tea yet and had already been to the bathroom. Cause the outcome could have been a real mess! I think I'll be ok... [glow=red,9,900]...<buzz.....spark.....zap.....jolt......buzz> [/glow][/color]
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Post by Paws on Aug 28, 2010 12:37:45 GMT 12.75
;D ;D ;D Maybe it cured your knee!
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Post by Toby Benoit on Sept 16, 2010 7:08:56 GMT 12.75
I can't believe I missed this one!
Forgive me Faith, but I can just see you standing there getting zapped! Lol, you sure set yourself up fpr that one, lol.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Paws on Mar 15, 2013 8:10:49 GMT 12.75
You know you would think that at 64 a man would learn the difference between good and bad. Not so as I learned today. Had an apointment for 0800 this morning so to allow enough time for all the morning ritual I set my cell phone alarm for 0600. Now you would think that was good,but; maybe not so as we shall see. I awoke a few minutes before 0600 and romped into the kitchen to care for pets, start coffee, check on the world etc which was good, maybe not; we shall see. The phone alarm in the bedroom hanging on my belt goes off promptly at 0600 which was good. Maybe not as it upset the cats and dogs, drained the battery and annoyed me which was bad. Maybe not, as I was going back into the bedroom to shut if off I noticed it was getting light and the snowfall from yesterday was all gone and the vechicles wlould not need scraped so this was good; you'd think huh! Since I didn't need as much time to prepare I doddled along getting dressed, careing for the critters etc and just took my time. This was good Hmmm... guess you are learning. Nope, bad. as when I got to the truck there were random spots of ice crystals on the windshield and side windows and mirrors. Good? In a way, as I could peek" around them and did nothing elaborate to remove them; "very BAD!" I pulled out on the road and rolled out noticing that my breath was fogging, now freezing the windshield. This was very very bad. As I crest the first hill the sun from behind cover smacks me in the eyes totally blinding me Very very very bad Not so as it turns out. I could see absolutely nothing then "kathumped to a stop. Very very very very bad? No turns out to be good. I reached for the window button and discovered that the window was frozen shut and could not be lowered. It is absolutely necessary to lower the window and open the door from the outside since the inside handle has long been broken. Bad! Or so I thought. Then I noticed standing on a hill at the far end of the drive I was blocking was a man on crutches. I waved. Very Bad! Not yet... I managed to crawl across the seat to the passenger door and get it open. Yep there I was nosed in on a pushed over mailbox. Bad, bad, bad... Not really. I walked up to him and explained why I was sitting on top of his mailbox, apologised, and told him I would fix it. I asked if he minded if I sat in his driveway a few minutes to clear my windows. He acknowldged his begrudging aproval. Phew, not terrible, new acquaintance. I managed to clear the windows, defrost and thaw the side windows while re-setting the mailbox upright. As I pondered the vey real possibility of winding up in a head on collision and being trapped in a wrecked, potentially burning vehicle. And all because of carelessness and trying to hurry while cutting corners. I learned two things this morning. (1) God was there to watch my back. (2) He wants me to slow down and pay attention. Thank you Lord God for careing about me and keeping me from harm. Tomorow I will do better.
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Post by Toby Benoit on Mar 15, 2013 9:05:06 GMT 12.75
At least you learn from your phuqups!!! Grateful you didn't get yourself or anyone else injured...God watches!!!
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